I NEARLY went potty over Orchard Road’s newest kid on the block, Ion Orchard, when it opened on Tuesday.
And I don't just mean that the stores were new, swanky and inviting. They were – but then, so too were the restrooms.
Now, these aren't just any ol' loos. They are the VIP loos, lined with black marbled wallpaper (not real marble) and adorned with gilded mirrors. Best of all, each one – there are just two for each gender in the whole mall – is spacious, reserved for one person's use at a time.
The piece de resistance? The automated Japanese toilet seat, complete with a suite of buttons to flush the toilet, rinse the bottom and warm the seat (not necessarily in that order, obviously).
The catch, of course, is that, as the name suggests, these posh loos are reserved for the VIPs who are "dignitaries or celebrities", although the word is that the international designer labels located on the first and second floors may also be able to let their top-spending customers use these facilities too. It's amazing what privileges await you when you're flush with cash. (You'll pardon the pun.)
Anyway, let's move on to the shops, as Ion is a mall after all. With 640,000 sq ft of net lettable space spread over eight floors, navigating this den of consumerism is best conducted in flat shoes.
Take along your credit cards too. I don't know what it is about sparkling new stores that make shopaholics want to swipe their plastic at every turn, as if it is good luck to christen cash registers.
I left the building with a new cocktail dress and a new clutch (two unplanned purchases that weren't even on sale) in tow.
Also, don't forget your sunglasses before stepping into Singapore's first Harry Winston store on the first floor. The haute bling in there – especially the 66-carat yellow diamond cocktail ring – nearly blinded me and might do the same to you.
Magpie types beware: The store features a double-door system that can very well trap you in the doorway if you try to make off with any expensive baubles.
To sum it up, prepare to be overwhelmed by the swankiness of everything, and don't be surprised if the mall makes you feel like you've been teleported to, say, the IFC in Hong Kong.
After all, Ion is a joint venture between Hong Kong's Sun Hung Kai Properties and Singapore's CapitaLand.
Other eye-popping designer boutiques to check out include Burberry (second floor), Valentino and Louis Vuitton (both first floor), while Topshop's duplex flagship in Basement 2 should help rack up several shopping bags.
Unfortunately, Uniqlo does not open for another several weeks. (An excuse to return? Mais bien sur.)
If you're hungry, there's a good selection of F&B outlets that are already open, ranging from Canton-I for Hong Kong nibbles to Sho Teppan (Japanese teppanyaki) to Burger King.
Don't forget the food hall on Basement 4, which offers a smorgasboard of options for those who want food on the go.
Thank me later for the footwear advice. Enjoy!
Read more: Ion on Orchard opens