MY UNCLE died a week and a half ago.

He'd been comatose for eight months after suffering a stroke, and his heart finally gave out when he caught pneumonia. It was extremely sad for all of us, though not unexpected since he'd been unconscious for such a long time.

What I didn't expect was a flash going off during the service at the wakes and funeral. Someone was taking photographs of the congregation of mourners.

Whatever for, I wondered? And this wasn't the first time I had encountered someone documenting a death ritual.

Last year, I attended the funeral of the father of a good friend. I was absolutely shocked when I saw someone walk up to the coffin and take a close-up photo of the corpse's face. That same person continued to film the following rituals on her pocket camera. I was flabbergasted.

Quite apart from the disrespect to the family of the departed, who would want to document such an event? Who would want to re-watch it?

Someone suggested that perhaps they were recording the event for other family members who could not make it to the funeral. A legitimate argument, I suppose. But still, it seems to me to have been in very poor taste.

I remember when my brother was in medical school. As he began his surgical training, his classmates were obviously very excited as this was the stuff that would make them proper physicians.

Medical students, naturally, practise surgery on corpses. But being the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed medics, someone brought along a camera for their first session and took a couple of macabre photos of their rite of passage.

What they saw as a rite of passage wasn't what my mother saw as anything to be proud of. She told my brother to burn the photos and to appeal for the spirits' forgiveness for the disrespect shown to their bodies.

That was less than 20 years ago. How have we changed from a society where capturing the dead on film was taboo to finding it acceptable to shoot entire videos of funerals?

There she was, my mum, sitting in the front row of the wake while someone was snapping a picture. I'm not sure if she was aware of it, but I'm quite sure she wouldn't have approved. And as much of a 'digital native' as I supposedly am, I didn't approve either.

How then does one marry new technology with old traditions? What is the etiquette in this new world of pocket cameras, mobile phone cameras, online photo gallery servers and YouTube?

My uncle was a pretty easy-going, jolly man. He wouldn't particularly have minded someone taking photos of the service during the wake; he might not even have cared if anyone had taken a photo of his face made-up by the undertaker.

But even as a mere niece, and a trigger-happy camera toter at that, I thought the unofficial photographer was extremely rude and behaved in an inappropriate manner.

It's got nothing to do with tradition. My reaction has little to do with the semi-superstitious reaction my mother had to my brother and his classmates' callousness. It has to do with taste.

There is a reason why some people turn away from the coffin while it's being carried to the hearse. There is a reason why some people genuflect when they hear of the death of a dead one. There is a reason why others look down when a coffin is rolled into the cremator. It's called respect.

Snapping shots or videoing such sacred moments, either openly or surreptitiously, is just disrespectful - both to the deceased and to his or her family.

The funeral last Friday was an emotional one for us. Any death is a milestone in a family's history - and I think one of the saddest things is that my aunt's closest sister is abroad and was not able to be there for my aunt.

But none of us recorded a video of the funeral for our absent aunt. As affordable as technology is these days, and as trigger-happy as we are when it comes to capturing moments, none of us was about to disrespect my uncle.

Sometimes mental images stay with you far longer, and far more poignantly, than digital ones. I'll remember my uncle for his tenacity in the face of adversity and his jolliness - and I think that's all I need to take away from his funeral.

This is an excerpt of last Saturday's edition of The Digerati Diaries by Joanne Lee.

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