IN THE past two years, I was frightened at being left out of the latest news, the hottest development in the office and happenings around the world.
And then something called push e-mail came into my life.
I bought a Blackberry machine and became an addict, a news junkie. Some people call it Crackberry.
While others chatted, listened to music, talked to family members or just dozed off, you would find me latched onto my black machine, scrolling through the latest e-mail every few minutes.
This happened even while I am at my desk with both my Lotus office e-mail and my Gmail signed on.
You see, Blackberry e-mail works faster, so I could get messages sent by others a few seconds to a few minutes earlier before they get into my Inbox in the office PC.
The Blackberry was the first thing I look for when I open my eyes in the mornings, and the last thing I stared at before I went to sleep. Even on weekends.
People have received e-mails from me - sometimes on, ahem, important news developments, but most times on nonsensical musings - as late as 2am. OK, I lied, make that 3am.
I thought I would be happy indeed if I knew what was the latest news, gossip, and whether some top brass in the office has some important announcement or just scolded somebody for making mistakes.
And I thought colleagues and friends would appreciate the instant replies (and crass jokes).
Then two weeks ago, someone told me he was fed up with his life being 'tied to Blackberry' and has removed it from his life.
I gasped!
That is like saying I have accepted God into my life and has now blasphemed by saying there is no God! Well, almost, I guess.
But I have my own doubts about the machine too, actually. After all, with my salary being cut, I now wonder whether it is still worthwhile to pay, from my own pocket, the $150 to $250 a month just to get to know the latest news and gossip and whether some top brass has made key announcements.
The bill used to be around $80 to $150 when I started out but ballooned because of heavier usage.
They don't call it Crackberry for nothing. You get addicted and must read everything and respond to everything.
Late last week, I had enough. I turned off my Blackberry as my short vacation time started, and flew to my home in Kuala Lumpur.
And, here I am a few days without turning my machine even once.
And heck, is it the sound of an incoming e-mail or are those real birds chirping outside my window?
Those are real birds indeed! (it helps that my KL neighbourhood has a lot of big old trees).
I actually finished reading pages and pages of my favourite magazine, National Geographic, without switching to reading e-mails in between.
Ah freedom at last.
OK, so now I have decided to return my Blackberry, never mind if I will have to pay a quite few hundred dollars to cancel the contract.
What's next?
My next machine should be a Nokia E72 or a Samsung Jet.
I heard they have some nifty e-mails functions.
Well, you know, just in case I get cravings in the middle of the night, and it is too dark to read National Geographic....