MAYBE Ruud Gullit had the right idea. The Dutch coach coined the term "sexy football" while working as a BBC pundit during the 1996 European Championship in England.
Adding to the footballing lexicon is one thing, putting it into practise is obviously quite another.
On Saturday, Manchester United were held to a goalless draw at home to Arsenal. It was a dour affair with zero shots on goal by United.
But the performance mattered little as that result, and the solitary point earned, was enough for The Red Devils to claim the Premier League for the third consecutive time, and their eighteenth in total (tying Liverpool's English league record).
Fingers around the world immediately began pounding keyboards. Scribes lifted their pens and drafted eulogies. Idle conversations in local pubs turned serious – opinions were offered and rebuttals were swiftly returned.
Was this the greatest United team of all time? The arguments for this extravagant notion are indeed telling.
A third successive Premier League title, the League Cup, the Fifa Club World Cup and a romantic date with Barcelona in the Champions League final in Rome next Wednesday night.
A possible quadruple then.
In a sport where results are the only measure of success – seven clubs have changed managers this season – United's current season and its team is the yardstick everyone else is judged upon.
But has it been sexy? Has it been memorable? Has this season left you the United fan gasping for breath, wanting more?
Now the cynics will say if you want such aesthetic football go to North London. They have this artistry in abundance but unfortunately no titles.
That apparently is the bounty to be paid for beauty.
Gullit should know. At Newcastle where he was the manager a decade ago, he sought to turn a magpie into a peacock. Inevitably he failed and was removed.
And in that same season, a United team did the seemingly impossible. They won the treble. But it was not simply those three titles – the FA Cup, Premier League, Champions League – that linger in our memory, but the style and panache that brought those victories.
It was, to be honest, sexy stuff.
Two thrilling 3-3 draws against Barcelona in the group stages of the CL, an epic FA Cup semi-final replay against holders Arsenal, THAT final against Bayern Munich in Barcelona.
Throw in the 3-2 away victory at Juventus (after being two goals down), an FA Cup comeback against Liverpool in the fourth round, an 8-1 trashing of Nottingham Forest and it’s easy to see how United captured a fan's imagination, blending romance with success.
A keen statistician will tell you that United have scored 85 goals in the league and Europe this year, a massive 36 goals fewer than the 1998-99 campaign.
Moreover in the league this season, their 67 goals in 37 games so far is lesser than in all but the first of their 11 title-winning seasons under Alex Ferguson.
That this current United side has not offered a game that demands to be remembered is not a criticism. After all, they went 14 league games without conceding a goal (a British league record), a run stretching four months.
But defending has never been sexy, which is why the last defender to win the Football Writers' Association Footballer of the Year was Liverpool’s Steve Nicol in 1989 (this presumes that football writers know best).
Maybe it's because this United have won two previous league titles and are the defending European champions that some of the allure of winning is lost.
The United of '99 were trophy-less the previous year. Each game played felt like a step closer to an impossible dream which no fan wanted to be roused from.
Now games are expected to be won, opponents quickly dismissed with derision and chants of "Are you City in disguise?" repeated.
Winning breeds familiarity, they say. Whether or not that is true, one thing is certain... it's hard to be sexy when everyone is expecting it.