Jessica Cheam says don't be too quick to dismiss parents as matchmakers.

PARENTS as matchmakers?

You've got to be kidding, right? The Prime Minister's suggestion that parents play cupid in his annual rally speech has generated much debate, especially within the 20s to 30s age group  - people grappling with issues of marriage and babies.

Parents could help, said Mr Lee to encouraging applause at the rally, perhaps with a helping hand from the People's Association (PA). Inspiration for this idea was a matchmaking trend in Beijing that caught his eye.

There, parents secretly seek partners for their children at 'Parental Matchmaking Sessions' in parks and apparently exchange photos, CVs, phone numbers which are then passed on to their kids, on the pretext of colleague recommendations. 

Already, based on local online blogs and various anecdotal discussions, the initial reaction to this idea has produced a high dose of skepticism. 

One contributor on local forum hardwarezone scorned: "We are not Beijing. Match-making moves our society backwards, not forwards."

So it is with great surprise, that some others such as 25-year-old Vivian Wong, told The Straits Times that she's fully in support of the idea.

"I'm busy enough with work, and if we can use headhunters to find jobs, why can't we deploy our parents to source and filter potential partners for us?" said the real estate consultant.

It seems easy, as a knee-jerk reaction, to laugh off the suggestion. But in light of contrarian views such as Ms Wong, perhaps there's something meaningful in the pursuit of this idea.

So let's analyse the pros and cons of having parents to match-make us with our future partner.

Let's start with the obvious cons: Some views gathered from a quick straw poll includes unwanted pressure from parents to go on arranged dates, the lack of spontaneity and suspense in "meeting someone", and the likelyhood that someone would dislike their parents choice since it's difficult for them to guess who would be a suitable companion.

Some singles such as Ms A Chua, 27, thinks that Chinese parents have "archaic, traditional notions" of what makes good partners, which will not match the younger generation's changing ideals of relationships and marriages.

"I was dating this guy who had an unusual job of buying and selling horses for a living and even though he was a great guy, my parents judged him immediately on his job, and disapproved of him on that basis," said Ms Chua. "For us younger Singaporeans, we tend to be more open-minded and frankly, as long as I feel a connection, I really don't mind what he does."

So what are the pros?

Well, according to Ms Wong, "parents know me in ways that even I'm unsure of myself. They can get rid of the "time-wasters" early on by screening them based on compatability issues like appearance, financial status, approach to life, religion etc".

For a majority-Chinese society like Singapore, parental approval is usually important in choice of partners anyway, she pointed out. "So it's good to find someone that my parents approve of to begin with."

Ms Wong added that when she worked in Beijing during a six-month stint recently, most of her colleagues were married by their mid-twenties - and majority of them had parents who had a hand in the choice of their partner.

And they are happy, she claims. One native Beijing colleague said she observed women from Singapore were picky about their spouses.

She recounts that one of them remarked: "Marriage is like chicken pox. Marry early, and it's less painful. And if you don't like it, you still have many years left to get another one to remarry."

Okay, so this might have been said more in jest than in seriousness. But as a point of comparison, most of Beijing's youth don't see it as an issue that their parents are involved in planning their marriages and/or partners, said Ms Wong.

This does not mean it might necessarily work for Singapore's youth. Chances are, parents and their children have to work out some sort of compromise, and be sensitive to each other's needs. Such as, if a person agrees to a date set up by their parents, all obligations and pressures from mum and dad stops there.

For singles looking for serious relationships, recommendations from parents who have screened potential partners will not be the worse thing - and maybe better than meeting random people at social settings, and after investing time and emotions in them, find out they are just "out to have fun".

Given that these issues of falling marriage and birth rates are long-term challenges for Singapore, as Mr Lee pointed out, perhaps we should not be so quick to dismiss the idea of the modern matchmaker.

After all, parents know best, right?