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Marc Lim
Sports Correspondent
Celebrating while in mourning
December 04, 2008 Thursday, 06:13 PM
Marc Lim gives kudos to Lo's husband for remembering his wife her way.
I REMEMBER attending my grandfather's wake many years ago and being chided by an aunt for not being sad enough. I was 12 and had spent the last three December holidays learning to play mahjong with my ah kong. Some may frown at the notion of gambling with your own grandchildren, let alone teaching them to gamble. (And we did play for money, albeit for 10 cents a game, 20 if you pulled the winning tile on your own.) To ah kong, however, it was probably the most enjoyable time he could experience with his grandchildren. So when he succumbed to his battle with cancer, I lost more than a grandfather. I lost a friend, a mahjong kaki, one of the gang. It took me aback, and hurt, when my aunt told us off for laughing at his wake while we reminisced over shared times and remembered moments. In hindsight, maybe the sight of four teenagers playing mahjong might not be acceptable with some guests. But I was quite sure ah kong would have been okay with it. He would probably even have wanted that. Which is why I would like to applaud the courage shown by Michael Puhaindran, husband of Lo Hwei Yen, the laywer slain in the senseless Mumbai massacre. I can't even begin to imagine the pain and rollercoaster of emotions he must have been going through the last week. Yet despite the tragedy, despite the agony, he took it upon himself to plan the perfect party for his wife. This unconventional send-off probably did raise some eyebrows. Singaporeans, Asians, may not be used to sipping champagne or listening to retro music at a wake. A colleague argued that there should be a right time and a right place for everything. And the right emotion for wakes/funerals is solemnity. But why can't wakes, funerals be a celebration of the person's life? And who are we to say what's suitable and what's not, anyway? Sorrow hits everyone when a loved one passes on. The pain will take a long time to go away, for some, it will never. There will be plenty of time to grieve. But in the few days where the world gets a last chance to be with the departed, why are people so loathe to celebrate a life? It took a lot of courage for Michael to go through the last few days. But it took even more for him to put his wife first, and send his wife off in a manner, as he would know best, she would have wanted. Read the full report about Lo Hwei Yen's wake here. Tags: singapore, terror 
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having a "farewell party" does not mean that Michael is not grieving over the loss of Hwei Yen. it is just a different way of dealing with the situation and there is no right or wrong. you might not approve of the way that it has been conducted but why voice it? leave the man and the family alone and leave your thoughts to yourself.
allow them to express themselves the way that they want to. you do not know how it feels to lose someone the way that they did. I just hope that the media will now leave them alone so that they can be allowed to grieve instead of having people asking them countless questions and making Michael replay his last moments with her over and over...
I would rather be sober and mournful out of respect for the demise and also those around. Celebrating the life of the demise can be done by sharing the goodness after prayer session and also projecting "living" pictures.
When my husband's mom passed on, the wake was held at a funeral home. We didnt have a party even tho they are from a Western origin. Instead we had dinners and drinks but not in the name of a party. We remained sober and mournful during those times but never an extravagance of champagne or black dresses. We bore in mind the need of respect to the people who came to mourn. However in the West, they dont wear black to mourn, they wear other colors except red.
I guess to each his own. Michael did it for LHY just cos she loved to party. It may be a little uneasy for a few conversatives present there.
My heart goes out to the parents of Ms. Lo. It is not easy to lose our loved ones, worst still in a sudden cruel death like this!
Sorry Ms. Lo for being at the wrong place and wrong time.
May Christ's perpetual Light Shine Upon You and please be at peace and let God do the Justice.
To Ms. Lo's family.... our family prayers are constantly with you. Take the time to grieve only then healing will take place. Time is a healer.... God is with those who mourn and suffer. Ms. Lo is at a better place now, not at a place like this ailing cruel world!
There is a time to mourn and time to party, As a parent, I felt very sorry for her parents. I don't think any parent could bring themselves to celebrate in this manner especially the loss is so sudden and tragic. Yes be spontaneous but not overbearing. The loss must be very painful and takes some time to heal. My condolences to her loved ones and parents.
An extravagant "branded" champagne-soaked funeral isn't to be confused with celebration of one's life. By all means celebrate accomplishments but do so in a way that will inspire fellow and especially young impressionable Singaporeans to reach beyond material and elitist goals. To Michael, your life has meaning and purpose more than you know; overnight, this outrage has strengthened you in indescribable ways, and your most fortunate, best years are yet to come. The Lord does not make you suffer more than you can bear. Your pain and anguish are beyond words and we cannot begin to fathom, but prayer and the love of every single Singaporean will carry you along, and always, always be with you. Godspeed.
Of course. We have different ways of mourning for our loved ones.
Ms. Lo surely must appreciate the efforts by her husband. It was an elegant way of remembering and honouring her life.
But let us be clear - If you were referring to the rain of criticisms thrown at some journalists, it is not because of the nature of the wake, but because of how they sensationalized the event and how they failed to show respect.
You could not have said any better - Yet despite the tragedy, despite the agony, he took it upon himself to plan the perfect party for his wife.
It is for his wife.
There was glamour in the 'wake' but that's not what it is about. Although it was purposely made to look like a party, at the end of the day, it was not for the sake of it.
It was about his wife.
So as journalists, they should report MORE about the wife not MORE about the party.
Because the party was not for them.....it was for her.
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