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Seow Kai Lun
Journalist
Spending time, not money, with kids
December 12, 2008 Friday, 04:47 PM
Seow Kai Lun looks at the repercussions of compensating time with money.
THE ignorance of teens and their money confounded me as I spoke to many for my recent article. Yes, I know that they come from a sheltered generation, not really knowing what the current economic situation is, and what being ‘without’ is like. But in this day and age of readily-available, can there really be teens ignorant of the current financial situation? Apparently, the answer is yes. The ease with which a teen digs into his wallet to hand money over to a cashier amazed me. As a teen, for example, I never got a mobile phone till much later when all my peers had one and my parents finally conceded there might be a need for one. Since then, while studying in university and living in the hall without a fixed phone line, I managed to live within my humble mobile subscription plan. Yet countless of teens that I spoke to testified to constant struggles to keep within the $50 plans they're on - despite blithely admitting to hogging the fixed line at home too. When probed further about the extent of their expenditure, however, I realised that many of them did not getmuch face time with their parents - only a meagre few enjoying the luxury eating dinner together with their parents. Compensating for parental absence appears to be the key reason why teens seem not to worry about where money comes from nor spending it. A financial expert I spoke to admitted to resorting to precisely this brand of monetary compensation for the lack of time that he spends with his child. It's no wonder then that, to the young, to buy or not to buy is no longer the question. Love is, instead, equated with allowances and purchases. Perhaps for parents, the question needs to be: To spend time or to spend money? It's an important balance to achieve, not just from the parents' work-life perspective, but also to prevent the next generation from growing up spending beyond their means - as individuals and as an economy. Tags: family, singapore, youth 
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Somewhere along the way, we have lost the plot.
Some parents themselves are of dire need of a strong value system. I see parents indulging their babies and toddlers with branded items, when the kids themselves do not know any better. It is more to satisfy the parents' materialistic needs. It is not surprising therefore that the kids grow up with the same materialistic values as their parents and similarly want to splurge when they are older.
The problem is not as simple as spending time with the children. It is the parents' attitude towards materialism that needs to be examined.
Indeed teenagers nowadays look towards a quicker way to success in which in their minds is to just get a job, any work that is quite reasonable and which could be jobs that require little skills or training. Employers are always on the lookout for fresh good looking young faces that want work to get more spending money for their materialistic fetishes and not reallyto pay for household bills etc. No intended pun on those other teenagers who really come from a less well to do family and seek jobs to help pull their families out of financial burdenrs. We are talking about teens who come from families with a stable income and adequate finances. These frequently emotionally irrational teens are only looking for an income to support themselves and not their families.
In this fast paced life we live in ,when parents are always travelling on business or otherwise, they see money as a substitute for their absence and thus lavish their kids with all the lastest gadgets when they return from their "escapades " !!
When I was in Uni, each 4-storey block had only 1 pay phone. In the entire hostel of 5 blocks, only 1 rich Thai boy was known to (gasp!) possess a handphone. We all survived. Now even kids, maids & cleaners find handphones indispensable. It's a sign of the times. Kids in uniform splurge at fast food restaurants. Maids spend up to half their salaries on phone bills. Sometime I feel like shaking these clueless people. My own boys get $1 a day. Their schoolbags are to last their entire 6 yrs of primary school. They wear their canvas shoes till they split before I buy new ones. They do housework daily. But it's only a matter of time before they hit their teens. Teens are aliens with excess of hormones & shortage of good reasoning skills. I think it's a waste of time to try to analyse & judge teens. Why, even our great LKY himself & his top scholar wife went & eloped as young undergrads without telling their parents. My own dad sneaked out with his father's car & crashed it as a teenager. But when the youngsters start work, I think they'll learn the value of money quickly enough.
Why does everyone think that parents are the best people to teach their kids? Many people don't know much about sound financial management. It's not just a question of being frugal. Slavishly saving money is not the best idea. I seriously feel the MOE should include modules on financial management & life skills for all school children. Things like handphone management. Job options & salary expectations. How to manage money. How to save money. How to build passive income. How to make CPF & SRS work harder. Costs of buying & maintaining homes & cars. Tips on various investment instruments, loans & insurance. Costs of bringing up kids. Medical options. Getting help from Government agencies. Lessons on graciousness. Decision-making. Current affairs. And other practical sorts of information which many people only learn in a haphazard & sometimes painful way.
It is all about education.
What we have been seeing are the end results or consequences. Question is:
Have our parents accumulated the wisdom in life as time goes by and been able to pass it down to their children?
Yes, when parents spend time with children, they indeed conduct teachings via oral and action, i.e. ?????in Chinese. If children could learn from parents on how to differentiate what are right and wrong things to do, the children would grow up in proper manner. It is parents' responsibilities to teach which cannot be replaced by any other forms.
I wish all parents learn to pick up wisdom in life as they age and have the great compassion and patience to teach and educate their children what proper conduct and proper manner mean in their lives now and in the future.
Best wishes to all human beings in this globe, not only Singaporeans.
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